CONSTANT STATE OF CHANGE

Change can be necessary, change can be a challenge, change is inevitable, and what do we do with all this change?  Whether the change is to adapt a healthier lifestyle through nutrition and exercise, modifying exercises to accommodate injury, or going through the changes that naturally occur to the body as we age, it is a fact, that change is a big part of this journey of life.  None of us are exempt from a constant state of change in this life in one form or another.  Our bodies change at every level each day without our knowledge that it is even happening for the most part.

Personally, I have undergone a lot of change in this life and have to say that I embrace the positive that has come through incorporating a healthy lifestyle.  The tough physical changes that challenged me were the rehabilitation from injury and the will to persevere and not give up, and finally accept through it all that I am forever changed and require modification of exercise to fit the body that is under the skin I wear.  The inevitable change that seems difficult for me in the present is the changes that occur with the aging process.  No amount of exercise is going to stop hormonal shifts and the overall body requirements that scream loud and clear…CHANGE. Acceptance and embracing of the inevitable change I have discovered is also going to be a challenge.   

We are all aging each day, our bodies changing through the process and when I was younger I did not think too much about it, but as I stare 50 in the face, I find my mind consumed by the “different” feelings of heading into menopause.  Both men and women face the inevitable changes that occur with the aging process, whether prostate issues for men or night sweats and lowered libido for women, it is a situation that can SUCK.  I am straight up open about everything health related and I feel issues, even those topics that may fall into the “taboo” not to be discussed in public are fair game.  In fact they need to be addressed and shared because so many people are searching for answers or at least support that they are not alone in their experience.  If Dr. Oz can openly share the perfect “poo” shape, vaginal dryness, and orgasms, then for crying out loud, I am surely going to talk about it. 

All change can feel difficult, or extremely fantastic depending on the situation.  Adapting a healthy lifestyle through eating “real” nutrient dense foods and regular exercise will bring about a body that feels better, functions better, and that change can be embraced and celebrated almost immediately.  Although the process can feel like a challenge, eventually the change will provide an overall healthy state of mind and wellbeing.  The challenge change that occurs with injury or illness is harder to accept and embrace, at least in the beginning.  I found that it takes hard work, lots of patience, faith and a will to WANT the best of me in all areas of health, no matter what that looks like.  Moving into the inevitable change of aging is also an area that I now realize will require my patience, and continued research into natural ways of transitioning into another “new me” so to speak.  Changes are a part of aging and transition into another part of our life, not that we need to feel great about them, but important to realize and accept them, and I am now on this journey.  I am not going to sit here and celebrate hot flashes, night sweats, and changes in libido…are you kidding me, this is where I long for the young Darla because outwardly, my brain says what the heck is going on, and this should not be going on.  This is where I reach for new goals of discovery of the woman I am now, and embrace that woman with full understanding, grace, love and adventure of this new chapter. Am I there yet…not quite…but I am working on it.  

Thanks for stopping by my Blog, hope you enjoy the content, and if you have not become a follower yet, I would love to see your face on my friend's list.  If you are inspired, LIKE my entry, leave a comment and I look forward to responding!

Stay Healthy!

Darla

                                                                            

I AM A GUIDE NOT A GOAL

I like that saying and it takes me back to when I was in junior high and high school.  I did not always feel the best about myself, but there was always a special motivation that came from my physical education teachers and coaches.  They made me feel accomplished, encouraged, and inspired me to do more and be more.  It was at that young age that I wanted to be like them, to be able to offer to young people that feeling of inner strength, confidence and overall happiness.  Presto...my goal in life was to be a P.E. teacher.  Of course I could not climb into their bodies and become them but imagining being them was pretty awesome in my younger years.  In my twists and turns of life, I am doing my passion on a broader spectrum than in a high school gym setting and I feel great about that.

 

The thing about life, mentors, and motivators is to understand the concept of guides, and yes to have goals.  The goals belong to each of us however, and admiring someone for blessing our lives in a positive way is absolutely fabulous, and even being inspired to work in a field of enjoyment, well life does not get any better.  The point I am getting to in this blog write is the importance of accepting the gift from a guide BUT having the ability to strive for our own goals and to achieve our own dreams. I am a guide and motivator for many people and I appreciate and am touched by all the wonderful feedback I receive on a daily basis. Now, I am going to get deeper here with you on this subject.  I am a guide NOT a goal, and I am speaking more about the physical appearance of Darla and what that may mean to you, how it affects you, what it makes you think about, how it motivates or not, etc. 

 

In my early competitive days, I admired Mia Finnegan and man did I want a body like hers.  I followed all the nutrition plans and extreme workouts to make that happen...but I was not her.  Why was I not good enough at that time?  It probably did not help to be scrutinized and judged on a stage by people I did not know, who were ready with pen in hand to tear apart the body that I worked so hard to put together.  It was at that time that I realized the politics that can and do exist in competition, but putting that aside, feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence can break a person in such circumstances.  My point again...I would never be Mia Finnegan and what a letdown, but also a light bulb moment of time to love ME for ME.  So, I do understand when guides get skewed out of position and even placed on a pedestal, but you know what, we are all just people. I am no more special than you are, and doing what I do is a passion that I want to provide as a gift of motivation for you. 

 

 

If you have noticed, I am cautious and conservative about posting self-images.  When I do post "selfies", I want them to be meaningful, motivational, and touch a chord of inner strength within YOU that says...I CAN DO THIS.  With all the society pressure of wanting to look like or be someone we are not, it is even more important for guides such as me to be clear in communication of how unhealthy that is.  The purpose is to PLEASE ADAPT A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE, not to cause feelings of insecurity and discouragement.  I know this is a "you can't please everyone" world and even what I am writing may come across as offensive to one and motivating to another.  I am here to motivate and celebrate living a healthy life with you and that is what I will clearly communicate.

IN YOUR FACE MOTIVATION

 

 



Thanks for stopping by my Blog, hope you enjoy the content, and if you have not become a follower yet, I would love to see your face on my friend's list.  If you are inspired, LIKE my entry, leave a comment and I look forward to responding!

 

Stay Healthy



Darla

The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone Married or Not......Part 1

Hi Readers!!!

As I gathered my ideas to write this article, before I knew it, 2 pages of inclusions developed and I realized this one would have to be broken down into parts, otherwise the book I intend to write would exist on the blog. So, as you read, remember that this is a "to be continued" article. The mental/emotional/feelings hiding deep inside each of us when it comes to getting healthy is a topic that simply is not addressed in books, etc.....and it is so HUGE....and so I am going there....and as you already know...I am a up front, tell it like it is, HONEST, fitness professional here to help you every way that I can....

The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone... Married or Not.....

Feeling unsupported.......
Are you sitting home waiting for life to happen for you, for someone to make it happen for you? Do you want to feel motivated by your partner, but all you get is a roll of the eyes. Are you living alone and feeling lonely….there is a difference. Is this keeping you from being the person you dream of being. You may very well be in a situation where you receive no support at all, but you know what…..it is up to YOU to achieve your own goals. True happiness, success, and complete health come from each individual person within….so why keep looking on the outside for someone or something to make it happen for you?

People around but feel alone.......
Do you feel crappy because you are with someone, surrounded by your family, and want so much for everyone to be on YOUR same page to get healthy …..wake up….this is not realistic. The best you can do is create YOUR own page, be an example, and inspire your mate and family to appreciate and hopefully desire what they see in you.

Alone and can't do it alone.....
Are you completely alone and feel no motivation at all to get healthy? Are you stuck in a hum drum routine of going through the motions of life, and hiding from what life could be? It may be a scary thing, but walking through a bit of fear and insecurity WILL be necessary to start your journey to getting healthy. Check out a few online fitness meet up groups in your area and look for physical activities that sound fun and non intimidating at first. This is a gentle way of meeting people who more than likely feel just like you, making new friends, and guess what….gaining a support group and the best motivation through workout partners.

The fear to change is real but you can do it.......
Living an unhealthy lifestyle can come from such deep and hurtful emotional pain, and choosing to hide ourselves in an unhealthy package serves as a security blanket or protection from further emotional pain. I realize that the fear and how you feel is real, but believe that YOU CAN DO IT…..getting healthy is a work in progress. Taking little steps and eventually letting go of that which has trapped the person you really are can happen. Checking out support groups may sound like a HUGE step that just can not be stomached, but if you open up just a little and allow a bit of vulnerability to take place, your journey to shedding that blanket can begin.

It is OK to set the example and be motivated by what YOU want.....
Have you lost yourself in someone else, and have given up what motivates you? Why???? It is healthy, fabulous, and fun to be motivated by what makes up YOU, and even better to set the example of a healthy lifestyle through what makes you happy. Believe me, happiness is contagious and what was once lost….will definitely make a BIG impression.

Change with a smile and positive attitude......
Are you changing and getting healthy for yourself? I hope so and doing so with a smile and positive attitude because it is a choice that YOU made. Again, this is not about changing for someone else, or hoping that the one you are with will change…..sometimes this does not happen and acceptance of this is crucial because regardless of anyone else, it is YOU who has control of YOU, your happiness, and your health for life.

Feeling angry about your mate......
Getting healthy and angry that your mate is not joining the party? Why? Each one of us is responsible for how we respond to life’s circumstances and people. This includes those near and dear…..those we love. Take a look at your parents, grandparents, children, etc…..are you angry with them or do you accept them as they are regardless of the quality of their health. This stance needs to be taken with your partner as well….your choice to improve the quality of your life is just that….YOURS. In a perfect world, we would all be healthy and happy, but all of us are on our own time clocks for life transitions. The very best you can do, is enjoy the journey to good health, and be a walking example of your life. So, grab an apple, give a kiss to the couch potato and go for a walk/jog. I have found over the years of working with clients that have significant others, that the partner wanted the physical and emotional changes of the client. Bingo….they are both working out together, eating wonderful new healthy foods, and enjoying the refresh of the relationship.

Why blame he/she for who they are….the only thing you can change is YOU
The blame game…..such a trap for unhealthiness and unhappiness. Are you there? Do you find yourself dwelling on past hurts, pains, and events and feel stuck and unable to move forward? Think about it…….what is this doing for you each day of your life except causing stress, depression, zapping your physical and emotional health, and a loathing nag that life really sucks....well THAT really sucks. Why Why Why??? The past can not be changed, and you definitely can not change the people who caused such pain for you…..what can you do…work on changing YOU. Accepting that the behaviors of others are not about you and out of your control, although disappointing, is essential to your being able to move forward. Sometimes this takes a few sessions with a counselor that you have interviewed, bonded with, and feel comfortable taking steps of sharing with. We all at times need help putting our lives into perspective, and it is definitely worth your health and happiness. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, but this moment is your gift to live the way YOU CHOOSE.

Accept others for who they are….
I may be repetitive on this one….but this is so true…especially for relationships now struggling with identity crisis. Who the hell is this person? I no longer know you? Why don’t you do this or that? Well….take a look at yourself….stop focusing on them and focus on YOU….you have NO control of what is going on in someone else’s brain and body…their thoughts, activities, and decisions. This is always the set up for unrealistic and REALLY disappointing SELF expectations we place on others and often times without they being aware of it. How unfair is that??? and how dissapointed are YOU because of it??? STOP STOP STOP creating within your own mind what he/she was supposed to do, what they were supposed to say and how it was to be said, how the birthday, anniversary, holiday that played such the perfect movie in your head with that person did not happen how YOU expected....hell....they did not even see the movie. Expect everything from your own actions, thoughts and feelings and have zero expectations from others, and consider yourself truly blessed and appreciative when something thoughtful happens to you......because that is the beginning of letting go and realizing YOU do not control ANYONE....but sure as hell can love them for who they are and at that REALISTIC MOMENT be truly thankful. Sometimes that which once felt like a dream seems like a nightmare, but taking control of feeling great for yourself through controlling your own responses to life with your own healthy thoughts, actions, and decisions for yourself will reap healthy benefits beyond belief….

I realize that this is digging deep into truly getting healthy, and removing bandaids covering the crap hiding and keeping a healthy lifestyle from even being able to happen.....but going into the mental side of making the choice to begin a healthy journey is the key to open the door for a lifetime of good quality living.

to be continued........

Stay Healthy!!!!

Darla Benfield, LCPT, LCMT

The BEST Motivation for a Successful Fitness Program

I was reading an article in MORE magazine and came across a small piece on what motivates you to exercise. The reason I bring up the piece, is that I agree highly with the content. According to MORE, the top reasons women over 40 exercise are to lose weight and protect their health.

Well........does that sound like FUN.....does that say......I want to do this because it is fun......or does this say that it is something I HAVE TO DO....like taking a mouthful of bitter medicine. I think the latter......how about you.

The lesser percentage of women surveyed stated that they exercised to improve their mood and reduce stress.....NOW....that sounds FABULOUS.....and you know what. The women who exercised for this reason remained true to their programs and exercised 30% more than those seeking to lose the weight and protect their health.

Now......you might think that losing weight would be motivational.....but let's say that you do not see the results you are looking for, and the I do not like myself, or I am not good enough feelings overwhelm you....then what....FRUSTRATION.....and then....GIVE UP. Let's chew up and spit out that animal and think about your fitness program differently.......

So.....take a minute to think about the immediate benefits of exercise....and focus on how you feel after you have finished exercising.... Positive endorphines (happy hormones) are released during exercise creating a positive mood and reducing stress. Being able to flow through your day more at ease and "feeling good" "feeling accomplished" "feeling on top of the world" are feelings that you will want to repeat again, and again, and again......and the long term benefit will be an improvement in the quality of your life and health.....and before you realize it....an adapted regular fitness program.

Now....take a minute to see what you can fit into your lifestyle....time/work/family/relationship. Also, in this thought process, think about what you like to do that is active and make that the core of your fitness......doing something you are passionate about will also keep you coming back for more.

I look forward to your comments and questions......


Stay Healthy
Darla